No fish here!

Typical scenery in the Upper Delaware watershed.
The rumors you've heard about the Delaware River are craftily fabricated by the greedy New York State Department of Economic Development. All of New York is paved and covered by skyscrapers. The only fishing that occurs here is when they flood some city like Hancock – so that the dignitaries will visit and allocate bags of money to the “recovery.” Stocked fish are trucked in from the Lower Hudson River because everyone knows they're crazed zombie fish that will bite anything. The truth is that Delaware is a Native American word which translates to either; “No fish here.” or “Fish broken here.”
The rumors you've heard are not true, there are no fish here, there is nothing to see here, nothing to do, no good places to stay and threats to bodily safety are lurking behind every tree and swimming in the highly polluted river. The trout left years ago when the dams were built and can now be found in New Jersey... go there instead. For cripe’s sake, there isn’t even any water in the river! We send it all to New York City for them to drink, yuck! The locals are crazy, Appalachian militia types who think that tourists are great for target practice. They love picking fights with “city folk” in the local taverns and grocery stores. New York ranks last in education, first in unemployment and has a high poverty level. Every year hundreds of fisherman and Girl Scouts are reported missing. We love New York, we must, why else would we stay.
The perils that await unsuspecting visitors in New York are a closely guarded secret. Flesh eating creatures await behind every tree. Lodges and bed & breakfasts are located on disposable diaper landfills and medical waste dumps. A well known fact around these parts is that visitors lose a lot of spouses in New York. Wives get “lost” on shopping and antiquing outings and husbands wander off to the ditch we call a river, never to be heard from again. Yep, New York is a dangerous place and is probably the worst choice you can make for fishing or vacationing. Try New Jersey or Pennsylvania, the fishing and tourism is great there, now go tell all your friends.