A beard gives your face a purpose.

A little Pogonology for you.

In middle school I knew a guy. He could grow a mustache. It was awesome. One fine day I realized I could also grow wisdom and virility out of my face, and never looked back.

Some Greek Guy said,

"There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless — boys and women — and I am neither one."

He probably rocked some kick ass beardage.

Full beards, goatees, van dykes, extended goatees, chin strips, soul patchs, mutton chops, balbos and chin curtains…. There are many ways to sport your awesome. There are 3 things that define what style is right for you:

Ability: It is sad to say, but some men just don’t have it in the genes. Myself, to a degree, fall into this category. My moustache is sound, as well as my goatee, but I have a problem growing connectors. It is sad, I know, and has been a sensitive subject in the past but I have come to terms with it. And I have groomed myself accordingly. If you can’t pull a style off, give it up.

The shape of your mug: Face it; just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. There are few people that can successfully pull off mutton chops or a chin curtain. When you style your whiskers, you have to be able to look yourself in the eye and be truthful when you say it looks good.

Your life: I know it blows, but if you want to get a job serving at that elegant steakhouse up the street, you might have to trim your face. (Getting a job in the kitchen is a different story…. just look at Kyle.) Or if you make a living underwater welding, a big-ol-balbo might interfere with the waterproofness of your face. If you have any other job, you pretty much have no excuse.

The most ass-kickin' man in the universe can’t be wrong.

(By the way, if you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble you win. Forever.)

So take a vacation, go fishing, and leave your razor at home.

-Alex who fights for the rights of hairy faces everywhere. Except on women.